Couldn't cuss, couldn't cry, couldn't crawl
Threw my hands up in the face of it all
So this is what it's like to be the child
Of a man who's dead and gone.
-Charlie Peacock
In 1994, when I was only 27, I had no concept of the deep truth and meaning of these lyrics. To be honest, I thought it was a bit crass of the artist (one of my favorites) to speak of his father in that way – dead and gone. At that time, my own father was 64 – not yet retired and full of life. From the day of this writing, he would’ve been 90 - would’ve been.
There all kinds of ways to refer to what happened; he went to be with Jesus, he passed, he’s playing in the band on high (whatever that means), etc. The Christian movement in which I serve (The Salvation Army) uses the term “Promoted to Glory.” I’ve grown up with those words being strung together, so I’m in agreement. To someone who hasn’t grown up with the phrase, however, an explanation of our movement’s rank system and the definition of “Glory” is required. The picture of someone going to be with Jesus is my favorite, for sure. However, the fact that my father died a month ago makes all euphemisms and explanations come up short in the comforting department. My Dad is dead and gone. And, like the singer, cussing, crying, crawling – not of it comes easily. Neither, as it happens, do prayers.
To paraphrase Pink Floyd; I have become uncomfortably numb.
Some scripture has helped. The 42nd Psalm comes to mind, as my soul is definitely downcast within me.
Other scripture causes questions, though, even some anger. For instance, in the eleventh chapter of John, Mary & Martha send word to Jesus that their brother, his friend Lazarus, was sick. After a deeply theological and – in view of eternal life – beautiful answer in verse four (you really should take a look), we come to verses five and six. Now, I realize this is another paraphrase, but those verses basically say that Jesus loved the three siblings, so he decided to stay where he was for two more days before heading to Bethany, where they lived. Wait. What?!?!? Did I read that right? Did I type it correctly? Did youread it right? I think the answer to all three questions is “Yes.” Upon hearing his good friend was sick, he stayed.
I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t do it for me. One of my professors used to say of such scriptures; “Well, that’s a nice little note from the Lord.” I’ve read that narrative many times in the past, so I knew he wasn’t in a hurry to help. What I had never caught previously was that his reason for lingering was that he loved them so much. What again?!?!?!? Also, when I’ve read those verses before, my Dad was alive and not, well, dead and gone. Anyway, I can’t understand some of this and I won’t try explaining it away. A U2 lyric implores us to “stop helping God across the road, like a little old lady.” There’s no getting around it, this passage has some strange parts. It’s weird, but his ways are not my ways, luckily.
There’s more.
By the time Jesus made it to the outskirts of Bethany, his friend had been dead and gone (well, in the tomb) for four days. Mary, Martha & the mourners were gathered – everyone weeping with those who were weeping. Verse 20 tells us that Martha, when she heard Jesus was close, went to him. Mary, however, stayed at home. Is it possible that she didn’t want to be nearby when her sister let Jesus have it? Is it further possible that this was the original meaning of a “come to Jesus” meeting? At any rate, she knew what was what. ““Lord,” Martha said to him, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” (v. 21) Her sister makes the same claim later, in verse 32.
I find some satisfaction in Martha’s initial rebuke. When I do mutter something like a prayer these days, it’s along the lines of; “Lord, why did my Dad have to die? Why did you take him from my Mom, Lord? They’ve been married 67 years. She’ll be lonely. Why, Lord? Amen?” Often, after thinking those words, I’m struck by the realization that while I’m fearfully and wonderfully made and I’m definitely unique, I’m not so special that I don’t have to go through life facing death. As I put these thoughts down, over 140,000 people have died COVID-19 related deaths in our country – almost 600,000 worldwide. By the time you read this – God only knows the number. He also knows the names of the victims, their families, their hearts, their dreams, all of it. Knowing that he knows, I find myself asking Martha’s question in relation to her brother – my question in relation to my Dad – why, Lord? If you would’ve been here…
[Side Note: In an episode of “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee,” Ricky Gervais tells the following joke to Jerry Seinfeld; A Holocaust survivor eventually dies of old age and goes to Heaven. He meets God and he tells him a Holocaust joke. God says; “That’s not funny.” To which the Holocaust survivor responds; “I guess you had to be there.” (end joke) Now, Gervais is an avowed atheist. In fact, he seems a bit too evangelistic about the bad news. However, some of his humor – to me – is funny. This joke, though, isn’t. I don’t think it’s meant to be, really. I think it’s designed to succinctly describe what has been called the problem of pain. Jerry laughs nervously at first, but then he’s speechless. I was speechless, while watching. No wonder, a lot of people have an extremely difficult time with the fact that God seems absent or silent or both when he seems to be needed the most. People like Philip Yancey have been a great help in this area. I highly recommend his writings. It’s impossible to adequately answer the “Where is God when it hurts?” & “Why do bad things happen to good people?” questions here, but the questions are important in themsleves.]
There is another way to read Martha’s words here. In one very real sense, it’s a statement of faith. She totally believed that Jesus would’ve saved her brother’s life, had he arrived on time. This seems like the accurate view, especially considering Martha’s next statement of faith; “But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” (v. 22)
Jesus: “Your brother will rise.”
Martha: “I know, on Resurrection Day.”
Jesus: (a bit later and yes, it’s a very loose paraphrase) “Nope. Today!”
Before he says this, though, and raises his friend back to life, he makes one of his iconic I AM statements – this one to Martha; “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” (vv. 25-26)
Frederick Buechner wrote, in The Magnificent Defeat; “And now, brothers, I will ask you a terrible question. And God knows I ask it also of myself. Is the truth beyond all truths, beyond the stars, just this; that to live without him is the real death, that to die with him the only life?”
I take Jesus at his word here (with Martha, I believe this) and I resonate with the way Buechner says it in a different way.
I’m not prepared to say that I have a good grasp on the eleventh chapter of John. I can’t account for the movements or lack thereof of God (then or now). I can’t explain COVID-19 or its aftermath. I will wrestle with Gervais’ “joke” and with the problem of pain until I am fully known, and I know fully. Here’s what I do know; my Dad is dead and gone (to be with Jesus)!
In-between Jesus’ I AM statement to Martha and his You Are Again statement to Lazarus, Jesus wept. (v. 35)
I’m going to take his lead.
U2?
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